Whose reality is it anyway?

I have this knack for saying the right things wrong, and usually the wrong things wrong. How can that be when my intentions are always for the other person? I have learned that somehow it ever so often comes out like it is all about me. I compete silently with others for “lowest self confidence” award. So, when I hear that I always turn things into all about me, it breaks my heart. I grew up knowing that I never wanted to put anyone on the spot, to not hurt people’s feelings, to help people not feel so bad about what was going on with them. So, I’d turn things into “my” issue. See? If you thought that I was the one with the problem, then you didn’t have to feel so bad about your problem. AND if you felt like it, you could easily offer up that you feel the same way...like not so alone.

So, I “grow up” and find that my self deprecating strategy actually backfires, it pains me, and really bothers me. This empathy thing that I find so many people need, is hard for me. It feels like I am detaching from the person. That’s my issue, I know. When people empathize with me, I often am uncomfortable. I want to hear how they feel, what they have experienced. Not to help me decide what to do or how to feel, but to sort of validate how I am feeling. Then, I can open up.

I guess it all boils down to what the other person wants and needs. How can I be so abysmal at that? I try so hard to figure it out, that it looks like I am detaching and don’t care, and don’t listen, and don’t pay attention. When I love someone, I think about them all the time. Be that my best friends or my partner. Yet, these are often the very people who think that I am not paying attention. What am I doing wrong??